Every morning I wake up and I look at Fatty Catty and I wonder if "today is the day I'm going to kill her."
I am relieved when I see she is doing OK (but she is still not well) but I know it won't be long before I have to make that decision to put her out of her misery. Fridays are hard because I know if I don't do it today then she will have to hang in there until Monday because I can't afford an emergency vet bill for a weekend visit.
I look at her and I have to decide, "am I keeping her here for me or am I keeping her here because she is well enough and she is not suffering." I hope I am answering honestly when I decide every day that she is content and happy to be by my side. It is a hard decision to make.
When I adopted her a year and a half ago I thought she was going to be dead for the first 3 months I had her. I was just keeping her comfortable - much as I am doing now. Back then she was just a cat that I rescued from the shelter and every day she lived was a bonus. Then I saw an improvement and I thought to myself, "hey, she might make it afterall."
Now I have had her for awhile. She is my friend. We depend on each other. She meets me at the door when I come home and if she is feeling good she is squalling at me. If not, she jumps on her dais which is just to the right of my recliner and I pet her until she tires of it. That is our routine.
I have another weekend with her. I am happy. She is content.
I hate Fridays.